Being feminine is not in opposition to feminism. You can still earn and be treated equally but because you are a woman you have this little 'something' that men don’t have, that makes you equal but different. This little something, that once you discover and learn to love it, can be your biggest strength. This something is called feminine energy.
Very often when we hear the adjective 'feminine' many stereotypes come to mind – we imagine a sexy, blonde pop star whose main attribute is her body or we think about a very unfeminine 'man-in-a-skirt' type of woman, who is very bossy and thinks that other women who don’t want to work 15h a day just after giving birth are weak… I consider myself feminine but I’m neither of these two. I believe that there is another type of femininity. That there is something that has a lot to do with Soft Power™.
Feminine energy – my type of power
This beautiful, feminine soft energy that is exactly my type of power. This is the femininity that lets women be independent and strong but also allows for accepting help. This is the femininity that is confident that if I have to repair my car I can easily get it done but if there is a man around who’s willing & eager to do it for me, I’ll let him. For me both femininity & masculinity is the freedom to do all that doesn’t harm others but also is the ability to accept help and care gracefully.
The days when men had to be bread winners and protectors of the family are over, nevertheless there is this one fundamental thing that hasn’t changed – men love women, because we make them feel masculine. And it not important who earns more in the family and who’s taking care of the children. Masculine energy is naturally programmed to be attracted by the feminine. (Of course this natural attraction is no excuse for any form of abuse but that I believe is obvious!). Men like to feel that they give us something special, that without them our lives would be emptier. And it doesn’t really matter if it’s true or not – I personally believe that women can be perfectly happy without men in their lives – but it’s all about having a choice. If you choose to be with someone there’s no harm in giving him a chance to feel they can protect and provide, if they want to.
When a guy sees that you can manage absolutely everything by yourself he doesn’t think ’Damn, she’s so resourceful'. He’s likely to think 'She doesn’t need me, I’m useless'. And honestly I don’t think that any man can live with the thought that he’s useless to his partner… So next time when he tells you ’Hang on, I’ll help you with the bags' don’t say ’Oh, that’s not a problem. I can do it myself'. Of course you CAN do it on your own but I think you can CHOOSE to let him do it. And that makes all the difference. Because when you accept his help, you accept him. For him when you say ’OK, you can carry the bags' = ’OK, I’m letting you take care of me. You are worthy of this task'. And who wouldn’t like to hear that?
[Photo by Sarah Gray]