Sometimes we are in a new situation or meet a new person, for example at the beginning of a new relationship, and we end up a bit confused about the way others speak or act. We feel something is off but don’t do or say anything because we are unsure of how they might react or feel, so we end up agreeing to things we don’t really want. This can make us feel uncomfortable or simply be dangerous for us. So how can we really stay true to ourselves and feel good about it?
Knowing who I am and what I am standing for, knowing what is good or bad for me are one of the most difficult but also most crucial features of a woman of high value. We are not born with this knowledge, we have to figure it out, as we go. Luckily, we have a very good compass with us – our body. Have you ever noticed when somebody said something not nice or offensive and your stomach sunk? Or when you were afraid and your heart rate sped up? Your body picks up on stuff quicker than your mind, so as soon as you start reading its signs correctly, you’ll almost always be sure of what you are OK with and what you don’t want to put up with.
And once you know it, how does it look like in practice to be true to yourself?
Like a Queen
A woman true to herself is most of all honest – especially to herself. She understands what is important to her and why, and she sticks to it. She acts like a Queen who knows what’s good for her realm and doesn’t put aside the rules just to please others. On the contrary, she is able to communicate her boundaries very clearly. She also doesn’t ignore bad behavior. She doesn’t pretend nothing happened, just to make the new friend happy. She knows that would be bad for the realm. Of course, she communicates in a loving and respectful way, not to hurt others but to clearly communicate the facts and inform someone when s/he is crossing a boundary. For example, your husband is gliding home from work everyday at whatever time he seems fit without telling you. You would like to be told because that messes up your schedule. It’s important to you, so you can talk to him about it. You don’t have to suffer in silence and then catch up on stuff at night when the ‘master’ is asleep 😉
Big & small things
What is right or wrong doesn’t change depending on the gravity of the matter. If you are not OK with for example how someone you are with is addressing the waitress or a shop assistant, then you have the right to say something. You can do it either later in a kind way or there and then depending on the situation. You’ll judge the circumstances best. These are your standards, this is how you do or don’t behave towards others and it is normal you want people important to you, to behave in a similar way, especially when it comes to a friend or a potential partner.
Contrary to a common belief, being true to yourself is actually a big turn on for guys. You are sending a clear message that you can be trusted. You are not as changeable as a weathercock, when you say yes, it means yes. When somebody trusts you, they are going to listen to you because they feel, what you say is of value, is important. And we want people to trust us and treat us seriously. It’s like with a mother who always threatens to cut off your pocket money but you know, she never will. You just don’t care too much about what she says, even when she shouts and screams. We don’t want other people to ignore us or what we say, so be consistent and don’t make wild promises.
So first, find out what you want and what you don’t want from your relationship, family, friends and then try to communicate it clearly and consistently. Initially, it might be difficult but once you get it, it’s like you’ve learned some secret knowledge, like you’ve been given some secret weapon. You feel more confident, calmer and more yourself, because, as a Queen, you stopped taking s*&^$ from others and that feels good. So good.