Being a woman of high value is slightly different for each of us. Nevertheless, there are 4 main characteristics that every woman should try to cultivate in her life in order to feel respected, loved and valued. Here is what they are and how to introduce them in your life in practice.
When last week, in my Facebook Group, I’ve asked a question 'What does it mean to you to be a woman of high value?', I’ve received so many interesting answers that in the end we’ve created our own definition.
A woman of high value is characterized by 4 main qualities:
- she knows her own value,
- she is independent,
- she is true to herself,
- she is feminine.
In short, it’s a woman who knows that it’s her partner, who won the lottery ticket not her. She is confident of her place in the world and will do what it takes, to have what she wants, in a confident but not abusive way. At the same time she is not trying to be a bloke in a skirt but is comfortable with her femininity and uses it to her advantage in a classy and respectful way.
I think it’s a beautiful definition. The question is, what does it actually mean in practice? Let’s start from understanding what it means to KNOW OWN VALUE.
Every one of us is unique, beautiful and valuable exactly the way we are but very often we find it hard to believe it ourselves. It is true, that knowing own value comes from within, that once you have it, it affects what you do and how you come across. But it works both ways. If you lack confidence and feel that you have to invest a lot up front, in order to be loved and treated well, these are sign of having doubts about own value. Luckily, in the name of the ’fake it till you make it' rule, you can act like you have absolute confidence about your own worth in order to actually develop this feeling and believe it undoubtedly. Here are the main focus points:
- You deserve the best – when a woman knows that she is good enough, that she is valuable, she can truly believe that SHE DESERVES THE BEST. And it’s a real game changer. Simply by believing that, you have better clarity of what you want. You are able to communicate it more clearly to others (both men and women). You can also easily distinguish 'the best' from 'the old thing' and stop accepting 'mediocrity'. If you are not so convinced that you do deserve the best & have difficulties in communicating what YOU want, here’s a trick. Whenever you FEEL that how somebody treats you is not right, ask yourself – ’What would I like this person to do, if I believed I deserve the best?' Very often that gives you very good indication of what you want and confidence it’s the right thing. Once you know that, it’s easier to request different type of treatment or behaviour.
- Don’t compare yourself to others – because you believe you deserve the best, you stop being interested in comparing yourself to other women. You have your own standards. You are certain that what satisfy others is OK for them but has nothing to do with you. If other women accept being shouted at or made feel guilty about calling someone out on disrespectful behaviour, that’s what they agree to but you don’t have to do the same.
- Respects herself – regardless of what you do for a living, what’s your social status or how much money you earn, you are 100% confident that people around you should treat you with respect. (And you have the same confidence that it’s also how you should treat others). You don’t have to earn it, this is your right. The most efficient way to implement this, is not to let other disrespect you. If someone is not respecting your boundaries, rules, your wishes, make sure they know it’s not OK. Women have a tendency to 'suffer in silence' and then maybe 'burst out' with a list of 1000 offenses. Ty to call out people who behave disrespectfully towards you from day 1. Very often people treat you the way you let them treat you. Make sure that you set the right standards from the beginning.
- Love is not a transaction – when you are a woman of high value, you look at your relationship differently. You understand that love is not a transaction, that you don’t have to earn love, you don’t have to change to meet expectations or any conditions. You are who you are and you are amazing at being you. If someone doesn’t like it, well, it’s their problem. Be very careful especially at the beginning of new relationships to watch for signs that your new friend/partner wants to you to do things differently. It’s one thing to offer you to try new food or sport, but another to buy you clothes that are completely unlike you or make you do things that deep down you feel you don’t want.
Knowing own value is a big thing, so if you feel that’s something you’d like to work on, as always, start small. Choose one area of your life, one relationship or one type of situation you gonna practice at. And remember, you should not be anyone’s plan B. You are important and you deserve the best.
[Part 2, 3 & 4 to follow]
[Photo by Cristian Newman]